Tag Archives: i hate living in canada

#4 Blue Collar

5 Aug

Canada is, for all intents and purposes the man’s man of countries.  Surely it makes sense with all the natural resources this vast country has, that there would be a large market for the services of the blue collar, manual labour worker.  In fact, it seems that entire Canadian provinces exist solely as a home for blue collar workers and their families.

Now before you get all riled up about this and accuse me of being classist or some other such silly thing, let me just put this straight right here and now: I don’t have a problem with working class people.  I think that a lot of them do very important jobs that keep society functioning on many different  levels.  What I do have a problem with however, is the blue collar mentality.

Uhhh...why?

Should you not understand exactly what it is that I mean by the blue collar mentality, allow me to explain.  As I’ve previously mentioned, there is a great deal of industrial/ manual labour done in Canada.  These jobs are predominantly done by men and radiate a sub genre of  a man’s man way of thinking.  Furthermore, given the small population of Canada and the close proximity everywhere of rural areas, it’s easy to see that the majority of Canadians don’t live in large, cosmopolitan, urban environments.  The end result of a melding of the man’s man sub-genre and the rural way of life inevitably equals the blue collar mentality.  What’s particularly distinct about Canada in this respect is that even in the handful of moderately populated cities that Canada has, the blue collar mentality still exists and thrives.  That is, this way of life/thinking does not end when you leave Canadian rural environments.  It is entirely, 100% prevalent  throughout the entire country.

In fact, I’d even go as far as to say that the blue collar mentality is by far the single most common, unifying identity that Canadians have.  Canadian males are particularly consumed with living up to some nationwide established condition of what it means to be a man.  Conservative, uptight, uncultured, parochial – these are words that best describe the blue collar mentality.  It’s what fuels Canadian men toward maintaining that aggressive and unfriendly vibe toward one another in public settings.  This may be hard for some people to understand when I talk about something as seemingly vague as a “vibe”, but it’s there.  Take for example, Asia.  Walk the streets of any Asian city and what you won’t find are men looking to consistently prove that they are the top dog, that they are not to be fucked with.  Walk through Tokyo – one of the biggest cities in the world, with a population greater than Canada’s entire population, and bump into another male.  Problem?  No, not in the least.  Walk through Vancouver, Toronto, Edmonton, Ottawa, etc and bump into another male.  Problem?  It’s extremely possible, yes.

Incase you can't read what it says on Canada, allow me: Hockey, Beer and Peace. Sigh...

It seems to me that the majority of men in Canada can quite effortlessly explain to you how a truck’s engine works or where the best places are to go fishing or drive an ATV around all day, but talk to them about art or travel or anything beyond the blue collar frame of reference and they’ll most likely think you’re “weird” or even a little bit fruity.  Naturally when I talk about Canadian men this way, I’m not referring to everyone. I mean, there are gays and men who do have a clue about all the aforementioned things.  It’s just that what I’m getting at here is that as a whole, the Canadian population is not very progressive, cosmopolitan or culturally aware.  If you don’t agree, then be honest with yourself and compare the average male in Canada to the average male in Western Europe or Asia.  There’s a whole lot of people in a whole lot of landmass who will quickly prove me correct on this one.

As a matter of fact, any nation that is as consumed by such a stubborn, troglodytic mentality as Canada is can’t help but be completely lacking in the progressive arena.  And any nation that lacks in progressive action and mentality is not one that I care to reside in or to call my home.

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#2. Weather

7 Jul

It’s no secret that Canada has some of the worst weather to be found in any country, anywhere on earth.  This is not hyperbole and if you think it is, you’re either A) Canadian or B) You’re not Canadian, but you’ve never been to Canada.  To be sure, if you happen to like miserable, shitty weather 90% of the year, then come on over to Canada, have we got a treat for you!

Inexplicably enough, Canada’s soul-crushing winter seems to be something of a source of pride for many Canadians.  There’s something entirely sado-masochistic about a land whose inhabitants regularly pat themselves on the back for being capable of (and not really minding) temperatures that in many places of the country, often drop below -30°C (-22°F) or worse.  Some of (but certainly not all of) the worst winter weather can be found in central Canada, in places like Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Alberta.  In these places, locals will often tell you with a totally straight face that the winters aren’t so bad if you “dress for it” and that even though the winters might be long and cold, the sun is always shining.  As someone who has been through more than his fair share of central Canadian winters, let me just tell you that neither dressing for it nor the sun’s rays will provide so much as a single drop of relief from the horrendously demonic ass-fucker that is a Canadian winter in central Canada.  Anyone who tells you otherwise has long since lost the ability to judge between warm and cold temperatures and is so used to the years of lying to themselves about the weather quality in their home province, that their opinion regarding this issue is in no way, shape or form even slightly valid.

Now, because I’ve singled out central Canada for an example, please don’t take that to mean that the rest of Canada’s weather isn’t that bad.  It is.  Winter lasts a long time in this country and even when it isn’t exactly “winter” the weather  is still far from spectacular.  Summer has its share of warm days, but for the most part, summer lasts about two months.  Vancouverites or those who live on nearby Vancouver Island, will try to brag to anyone who’ll listen that their temperatures remain “mild” throughout the winter.  Keep in mind if anyone from Vancouver or Vancouver Island should ever tell you this, “mild” in this particular scenario is a Canadian mild in terms of weather and not a normal mild.  It’s also well known that “mild” in Vancouver is little more than a euphemism for “pissing rain 24-hours a day for six months”.  So yeah, it’s still cold, just not as cold as the frozen tundra that is the rest of Canada.  Basically, it’s like the difference between being in the fridge instead of the freezer.
So fucked up about weather are Canadians that it is not uncommon to see people wearing shorts in the middle of December, January or February, particularly in Vancouver where locals have actually duped themselves into believing that they live in some sort of tropical paradise.  I’ve seen people in Canada walking around in shorts when the temperature is far below zero and there’s about a foot of snow on the ground.  Seriously.  It’s sad.

The kicker in all this is while Canada may not be alone in being a place that is cursed with terrible weather – I mean surely Finland or Sweden or Norway or even Minnesota isn’t all that pleasant during the winter months – it is alone in being one of the only places on earth whose citizens have no warm option.  What I mean by this is that most Europeans have the good fortune to move to another warmer country in Europe, even if only for the winter season.  Americans have California, Hawaii, Florida, etc, to choose from if their home state’s weather is just too bad.  Canadians?  We have nowhere to go.  There is no pot o’ gold at the end of our shit rainbow.  Just more snow and wind – or if you prefer, rain and wind.

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