Tag Archives: Hockey sucks

#4 Blue Collar

5 Aug

Canada is, for all intents and purposes the man’s man of countries.  Surely it makes sense with all the natural resources this vast country has, that there would be a large market for the services of the blue collar, manual labour worker.  In fact, it seems that entire Canadian provinces exist solely as a home for blue collar workers and their families.

Now before you get all riled up about this and accuse me of being classist or some other such silly thing, let me just put this straight right here and now: I don’t have a problem with working class people.  I think that a lot of them do very important jobs that keep society functioning on many different  levels.  What I do have a problem with however, is the blue collar mentality.

Uhhh...why?

Should you not understand exactly what it is that I mean by the blue collar mentality, allow me to explain.  As I’ve previously mentioned, there is a great deal of industrial/ manual labour done in Canada.  These jobs are predominantly done by men and radiate a sub genre of  a man’s man way of thinking.  Furthermore, given the small population of Canada and the close proximity everywhere of rural areas, it’s easy to see that the majority of Canadians don’t live in large, cosmopolitan, urban environments.  The end result of a melding of the man’s man sub-genre and the rural way of life inevitably equals the blue collar mentality.  What’s particularly distinct about Canada in this respect is that even in the handful of moderately populated cities that Canada has, the blue collar mentality still exists and thrives.  That is, this way of life/thinking does not end when you leave Canadian rural environments.  It is entirely, 100% prevalent  throughout the entire country.

In fact, I’d even go as far as to say that the blue collar mentality is by far the single most common, unifying identity that Canadians have.  Canadian males are particularly consumed with living up to some nationwide established condition of what it means to be a man.  Conservative, uptight, uncultured, parochial – these are words that best describe the blue collar mentality.  It’s what fuels Canadian men toward maintaining that aggressive and unfriendly vibe toward one another in public settings.  This may be hard for some people to understand when I talk about something as seemingly vague as a “vibe”, but it’s there.  Take for example, Asia.  Walk the streets of any Asian city and what you won’t find are men looking to consistently prove that they are the top dog, that they are not to be fucked with.  Walk through Tokyo – one of the biggest cities in the world, with a population greater than Canada’s entire population, and bump into another male.  Problem?  No, not in the least.  Walk through Vancouver, Toronto, Edmonton, Ottawa, etc and bump into another male.  Problem?  It’s extremely possible, yes.

Incase you can't read what it says on Canada, allow me: Hockey, Beer and Peace. Sigh...

It seems to me that the majority of men in Canada can quite effortlessly explain to you how a truck’s engine works or where the best places are to go fishing or drive an ATV around all day, but talk to them about art or travel or anything beyond the blue collar frame of reference and they’ll most likely think you’re “weird” or even a little bit fruity.  Naturally when I talk about Canadian men this way, I’m not referring to everyone. I mean, there are gays and men who do have a clue about all the aforementioned things.  It’s just that what I’m getting at here is that as a whole, the Canadian population is not very progressive, cosmopolitan or culturally aware.  If you don’t agree, then be honest with yourself and compare the average male in Canada to the average male in Western Europe or Asia.  There’s a whole lot of people in a whole lot of landmass who will quickly prove me correct on this one.

As a matter of fact, any nation that is as consumed by such a stubborn, troglodytic mentality as Canada is can’t help but be completely lacking in the progressive arena.  And any nation that lacks in progressive action and mentality is not one that I care to reside in or to call my home.

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#1. Hockey

1 Jul

If you’re new to this blog and have no idea what this is all about, I would suggest taking a quick trip here first before you read on.

Okay, well since this is the very first post and seeing as how it just happens to be July 1st (which in Canada is a national holiday called Canada Day), I figured that I would start things off with a bang by pissing all over the only thing that Canadians seem to collectively care about: hockey.

Canada has no cultural identity – and when I say Canada has no cultural identity, please don’t mistake that as me saying that Canada isn’t multicultural (which it is), or that the First Nation peoples of Canada don’t have their own real authentic culture (which they do).  Sorry, but Canada as a nation is cultureless.  The country is too young and consists solely of immigrants – once again, aside from the First Nation peoples who are of course, the people who were here long before there was any here.  So, being that we lack culture, Canadians tend to glom on to things that they think makes one Canadian.  An overzealous, dull, irritating obsession with hockey is always at the top of that list.

My problems with this are numerous.  First off, hockey is a sport and as such can’t be at the forefront of any claim to cultural integrity.  If a sport tops the list of things that you can tell people from other countries who are curious to know about your culture, then there ain’t much going on at home.

Second, hockey is for meatheads.  Buffoon mouth breathers whose ability to grunt little more than “CANADA!” at the arena while sucking back shitty Canadian beer in $75 seats are not representatives of any country or culture that I personally want to be a part of.  These are the same people who willfully hoist signs at such mind numbingly patriotic events as the Olympics that read “Hockey is Canada’s Game”.  And?  Your point is?  I’ll tell you why hockey is Canada’s game: because no one else in the world gives a shit about it.  Yay!  We’re great at a sport that like, four countries on earth play and which even fewer than that actually attract large amounts of spectators to.  While the rest of the world is playing soccer or cricket or rugby or hell, even tennis, we Canadians are conceited enough to sit back, grinning smugly about our ability to play a sport that most people in the world have never seen a single second of before.  Hey, that’s great that we’re good at hockey and that we love it so much, but we love to act like it actually matters to anyone outside of Canada.  The only thing that’s worse than acting like our dominance of hockey actually matters to anyone outside of Canada is believing that it does.  And man oh man, do Canadians ever believe that it does.

This is what I have to put up with for 9 months out of the year.

All right, I’m going to be fair here.  Not everyone in Canada loves hockey.  There’s me and a few other people milling about.  But if you live in Canada and you dislike hockey, then man, are you ever in the wrong place.  The hockey season ends in May, but that doesn’t stop gatherings of meatheads from playing it on concrete all over the place.  By September, things are beginning to roll once again and if you can find a newspaper that carries a front page story that doesn’t involve hockey, well then you mustn’t live in Canada.  Hockey takes precedence over everything here and I mean everything.  Some Africans died of an epidemic?  That piece of news fits nicely just below the article on the Canuck’s chances of winning the Stanely Cup next year.  For nine months of the year (and often more) this shit is crammed down the throats of Canadians.

Indeed.  Hockey is too much.  There’s just too much of it and the faux sense of duty foisted on Canada’s citizens to incorporate it into their cultural identity is sickening.  Being in a country that doesn’t watch or pay attention to hockey (read: all of them aside from Canada) is a motherfucking relief, I can tell you that much.  I’ve had the fortune to experience it for a few years and it was pure bliss.

If only I could do it again…

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